No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
