In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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