Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
