was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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