I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
