So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
