I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
