they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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