my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
