Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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