piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
