If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
