I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
