This girl is more easily done than said...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
