I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My cat gives me a boner
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize