this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
