I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
