He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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