Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
