Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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