new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
