You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
