he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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