I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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