i barfeds in our rink
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
