You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
