i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
