There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
