You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize