Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
