Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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