they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
