I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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