i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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