Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
