AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
