he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
