i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
