if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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