is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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