I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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