forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
