Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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