Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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