I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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