What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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