You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
