I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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