I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
