Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
