I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
