I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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