I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
