dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize