This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
