She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
