Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
