Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
