It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
