also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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