i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
