We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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