Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
