He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
