He kissed a someone with a penis
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
