I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
