My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
