Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This house was built for laser tag.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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