Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The best revenge is premature balding
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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