i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
