Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
