My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
