Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
