I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
