just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
