oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
