I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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