where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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