Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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