tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
