I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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