dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
