apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
