Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
